August 24, 2010

One Too Many Special Days

Before Al Gore invented the internet, I'm dead certain that none of us knew how much relevant information simply passed us by.  We were, by in large, a whole passel of ignoramuses.  As an example, we wouldn't have had a clue that tomorrow, August 25th is ...

Kiss and Make Up Day.

According to the official National Kiss and Make Up Day website, this day was dredged out of the muck for the sole purpose of making money created because "All too often people can get wound up with each other and suddenly the smallest problem becomes a major issue. Often this leads to major rows and arguments.  When you have calmed down and look back at the issue, you often realize that you have totally over reacted.  Kiss and Make Up Day was created to celebrate such an event."

So take heart, all of you couples who have grown to loathe your significant others due to a mounting heap of real or perceived grievances.  Dirty underwear on the floor, not putting the toilet seat down, atrocious table manners, farting in public, bad hygiene ... and a host of other atrocities.

Instead of burying the hatchet literally in your mate's skull, you can bury it figuratively tomorrow by giving your soul mate a lovely gift or card.  Why bother sitting down and hashing out your differences, making amends and planning for a better life together when you can just "Kiss it off".

Who knew that almost all of life's problems can be solved by just creating a "special" day for each of them.

So, I don't know if I've been more or less of an insufferable prick than usual this past year, but just in case, thank God that the people at Signals catalog (purveyors of fine internet trash merchandise) gave me an idea for the perfect gift to make up for all of my shortcomings.

Jan will immediately forgive me for every rotten, shitty thing I've done in my life when she sees this:

A Battery Operated Plush Beating Heart

Yeah, that'll work.