January 20, 2011

Mixing Religion & Food ... Sort Of

Last night I was moving around the television channels, trying to find something to watch other than re-runs of Mythbusters, when I came to rest on a program about Mennonites.  I'm not a very religious person, so I soon moved on, but later in the evening, I started wondering, what the hell is a Mennonite?  This morning, I went to that internet source of all things accurate, Wikipedia, and did a little page surfing.

And I came away basically saying to myself, "What the hell is a Mennonite?" In the article, I did zero in on the word "Anabaptist", which caught my eye only because the character Chaplain Tappman in the book Catch 22 was an Anabaptist, but as near as I could figure out, Mennonites and Amish are about the same thing.  And since Wikipedia does tend to over-simplify a lot of shit, this is what they look like:

I'll keep one of these in my wallet to help me in spotting them.

I was doing a couple of more searches in order to learn just a little bit more, when it became obvious that googling Mennonite brought up more food related things than religion.  Apparently, Mennonites like to eat ... a lot.  And they seem to like, in my humble opinion, bland fatty foods.  But the lack of variety surprised me.  They like food, but the selection is kind of slim.  This seemed to be the favorite dish:

Vereniki doused in Schmont fat with farmers sausage

It took a little bit to find recipes, but Vereniki is basically a boiled doughball. Schmont fat appears to be dough gravy ... and farmers sausage looks like something that was deposited on my lawn this morning by an off-leash dog. But I'm sure it all tastes blandilicious!

The other favorite is a compilation of various foods to create a late-afternoon meal called Faspa.  The most popular interpretation of the word Faspa is the Florida Association of School Personnel Administrators.  Although this sounds like a fun group, I doubted it was the definition I was looking for, and further digging proved me right.  The meal consists of rolls (more dough), butter, jam, cheese and coffee.  More things can be added, but the most popular embellishment to the meal appears to be pig tails, preferably en casserole.  For those of you wondering what this porcine concoction might look like without making it yourself, here's a two picture recipe:

Step One:  Remove tails from pig


Step Two:  Serve piping hot!

From a personal preference point of view, I'd want to put a lot of Schmont fat on that.  I mentioned above that the Mennonite list of favorite foods seems to be pretty slim.  In fact, according to one blog on Mennonite eating that I came upon, Welcome To The Bowman Bunch,   the unfortunate author ate nothing but the following for every meal of her life:

Vereniki
Farmers Sausage
Rolls
Schmont Fat
Cherry Mose (?)

Well, I should talk ... if it weren't for Jan's protests, I would eat nothing but baked chicken, rice and frozen corn.

I'll bet that all of this food talk about baked, fried and boiled dough; plus those yummy pig tails have made you ravenous.  And since this is a food related post, what kind of asshole would I be if I didn't leave you with my favorite Mennonite recipe:

Plumi Moos (Sunday Soup)
4 cups water
3 cups dried fruit
1/2 package cherry Jello
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 tablespoons corn starch


Cook fruit in water until very well done.  Then mix sugar with cornstarch and enough water to make a thin paste.  Let cook a few minutes to take away the starchy taste.  Then take from stove and add cherry Jello.  Serve warm or cold.

When you're done, it should look exactly, precisely like this:

Does It?

If not, just ladle on Schmont fat until it does.  Let me know how you like it ... Atvadus!

56 comments:

  1. See what you get when I attempt to leave a comment on my phone? "D"

    Profound, I know.

    P.S.- I won't find myself moving in the Mennonite direction any time soon. GAG!

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  2. I spent a good hour trying to interpret the hidden meaning of "D". I'm kinda disappointed it was just a phone flub :)

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    Replies
    1. Wow you catch on slow - poopnard

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  3. Just to clear up a few things for you, not all mennonites are quite like you described, I live next to a Mennonite village in Nebraska and they are basically like any other Christian religion with a few wrinkles thrown in (pacifists, not supposed to dance, drink, or do anything on Sundays at all) of course many of them do all of those things now as they have more or less integrated with the surrounding communities. Also some of their foods are actually awesome, Verenica in particular when served with ham gravy is absolutely spectacular (think a ricotta filled ravioli topped with one of the best gravies you have ever tasted).

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  4. I am a Canadian who is Mennonite by culture, but not by religion and to continue with the clarifications of the previous comment, I have never in my life eaten pigs tails for faspa or at any other time. The meat that we eat with the rest of the faspa foods you mentioned are typically cold cuts. Vereniki is a perogy filled with cottage cheese and topped with gravy. Farmer sausage is just another form of sausage. I have not eaten plumi moos since I was a child, but I can ensure you it never looked like that. Perhaps you should do a little more research on the Mennonite culture before making such concrete decisions.

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  5. AHAHA I AM A MENNONITE AND THIS IS A LOAD OF SHIT.
    P.S. WE DONT EAT PIG TAILS

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  6. I am a Mennonite and I don't eat pig tails. Also, farmer sausage, vereniki and schmontfaht is really good. Don't knock it till you try it.
    In other words, most of this post is bullshit.

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    Replies
    1. Dont knock any thing till you try it

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  7. wow! you dont know anything about Mennonites! lol

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous Jan 12 2012 11:19 Shut up you ninny. You dont Know a pile of shit from a bucket!

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    2. Are you drunk? Why would you put a pile of shit in a bucket?

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    3. You didnt get it did you? I ment you dony know yhe difference between a pile of shit and a bucket!

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  8. DO YOU KNOW WHAT A MENNONITE EVEN IS? YOU SUCK!

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  9. Yoyoyo, don't do cocaine.

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  10. Don't get hit by semi trucks.

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  11. Why isn't anyone else posting?

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  12. THIS IS THE WORST SITE IVE BEEN ON EVER!!!!!!!!

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  13. Go screw yourselves

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  14. Replies
    1. I know! Thats terribly funny!

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  15. Don't eat McDonalds.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Well hello boys! I havent talked to you in a while?
    and by the way i am posting ahaha

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  17. Replies
    1. Who's a failure?

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    2. actually its your gr8 grandma thats having a heart attak right now in the bathroom at the presidents house

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  18. AHHH, ZOMBIES!!!!!

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  19. Then everybody died.

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  20. YOU MUST BE LONLEY. :p

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  21. la;lkdjfklanklvnsr;ih;aosegbl;bfbkva;sdfhnogihdroiserifjdjofasdpsdklfjl;kasdafdafhdfg

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  22. shut up you losers!!! ahhhh

    ReplyDelete
  23. Replies
    1. a bare....................................

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  24. your getting owned by a 13 year old!

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  25. danny boyyy you better stop postin soo many comments!!!!!!

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  26. Ok, first of all, my background is Mexican Mennonite. Let me tell you that vranike is delicous and isn't just a "dough ball". It's actually like a perogie, it's filled with a kind of cheese curd. The sauce is JUST LIKE a bechemel or Alfredo sauce, only the butter is browned before turning it into a roux and adding the cream. Again, the sauce is incredibly delicious and a favourite for even my (all Canadian) kids. Sometimes for a special treat the vranike is filled with sweetened strawberries and deep fried, as a dessert.
    We Mexican Mennonites have a very rich history that is apparent in our ethnic foods. Our history starts in Germany, and our ancestors immigrated from there to Mexico, and some left there to go to Canada and other parts of the world. Our enjoyment of pastas, sausages, tacos, soups, etc comes from where our people came from. Our food is simple, yes, because Mennonites are simple people, but it's anything but flavourless and bland. It's delicious.

    If you're interested in learning more about Mexican Mennonites feel free to email me at cshoover26@yahoo.ca

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  27. I found your post incredibly offensive and incredibly misinformed! There is an enormous difference between Mennonites and Amish. Amish shun technology while Mennonites live among you everywhere in the world. It is a religion and a culture based on people who believed that adults should be baptized when they are old enough to make the decision for themselves. Mennonites also believe in pacifism. They were persecuted for their religious beliefs and moved throughout Europe before moving to North America. My family started in the Netherlands, Germany and finally Ukraine before moving to Canada. The Mennonites were well known for the farming abilities and their ability to thrive in harsh prairie climates. While I am not a practicing Mennonite, the traditions are deeply engrained in me.
    As with any culture, food is very central to Mennonite culture. Many Mennonite dishes are very similar in flavor profiles to Ukrainian food. Many dishes overlap. Cherry moos is actually a very nice creamy cold cherry soup that is often made in the summer for dessert. Plumi moos is a similar soup made from dried fruits and I have never heard of anyone adding jell-o and never seen it look like that! Vareniki are cottage cheese perogies in a cream sauce. Farmer sausage or Mennonite sausage is a flavorful sausage. Other dishes often enjoyed by Mennonites include borscht, made with either cabbage or beets and a variety of other soups made with fresh vegetables from the garden. Roll Kuchen which is a fried dough that is often served with fresh fruit such as watermellon.
    Mennonites were a farming people so their dishes came from the land they worked and the animals they raised. The food is hearty and rustic and flavorful.
    From the tone of your post, I'm certain you don't really care to be educated and come across as a biggot. So, I'm not surprised if this response falls on deaf ears. All cultures develop food from the areas they live and the available ingredients. It is a strong and proud culture and a religion. Your post was biggotted, ill informed and offensive! People like you are what makes the world a hateful place filled with conflict, the very things Mennonites stand against!

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