December 20, 2012

The Moon As Garbage Scow

This morning, I'm catching up on my reading while waiting for what the local media describes as a "major snow event", which according to them will dump a whole 2 inches of snow on us.  It truly is the end of the world.

In my catching up, I came across an article about how much trash man has left on our moon since we started aggressive explorations in the 1960's

As an aside, why do other planet's moons have cool names like Japetus, Io, Titan, Europa, etc., and our moon is just called "moon"?  How boring.

Anyway, it turns out that we've left approximately 20 tons of trash on the moon in the last 50 years or so.  Here's a partial list of what's there for eternity, unless we send WALL-E up there to clean it up ...

• more than 70 spacecraft, including rovers, modules and crashed orbiters
• 5 American flags
•  2 golf balls
• 12 pairs of boots
• TV cameras
• film magazines
• 96 bags of urine, feces, and vomit
• numerous Hasselbad cameras and accessories
• several improvised javelins
• various hammers, tongs, rakes, and shovels
• backpacks
• insulating blankets
• utility towels
• used wet wipes
• personal hygiene kits
• empty packages of space food
• a photograph of Apollo 16 astronaut Charles Duke's family
• a feather from Baggin, the Air Force Academy's mascot falcon, used to conduct Apollo 15's famous "hammer-feather drop" experiment
  a small aluminum sculpture, a tribute to the American and Soviet "fallen astronauts" who died in the space race -- left by the crew of Apollo 15
 a patch from the never-launched Apollo 1 mission, which ended prematurely when flames engulfed the command module during a 1967 training exercise, killing three U.S. astronauts
• a small silicon disk bearing goodwill messages from 73 world leaders, and left on the moon by the crew of Apollo 11
• a silver pin, left by Apollo 12 astronaut Alan Bean
• a medal honoring Soviet cosmonauts Vladimir Komarov and Yuri Gagarin
• a cast golden olive branch left by the crew of Apollo 11

Well, at least it's high-class garbage ... except for the poop bags and piss bombs.

December 19, 2012

'Tis The Season To Rant

Okay, so this morning I'm in Walmart (why don't we have one decent grocery store in my area?) buying Christmas cookie shit for Jan, and there's more than a fair share of old fat farts riding around on these little electric scooter things.

I shit you not, I think Walmart has more of these battery powered scooters than they do their clankity wheeled shopping carts.

Anyway, I'm standing on the far side of an aisle, and one of these old obese buzzards on a scooter rams right into the back of my ankle because she forgot to release the hand throttle and stop.  It hurt like hell and I was going to pop her right in her head, but then I figured I didn't want to stay in the lockup all day on a charge of assault.

These are the same stupid asses who drive around in their 1982 Mercury Marquis' and crash into storefront windows because they can't remember which pedal is the brake and which is the accelerator.

I swear to God, if you're too fat or just plain lazy to stand on your own two fucking feet and walk around a grocery store, then you're too fat or just plain lazy to be driving a car.

There's a grocery delivery service called Peapod.

Use it.

(End of rant)

December 18, 2012


I live in a small bedroom community, and naturally, we have a few churches.  Each church has their sign out front with those spaces for removable letters where they put up things like "God is Great" and "Bless Our Troops".  Sometimes, they even put up cute little things like "Send God a "Knee" Mail Today" or "Bean Supper on Saturday.  It'll Be a Windy Day".

But over the summer, I noticed two churches right across the street from each other started a bit of a feud over one of these "cute" messages.  I took some pictures.  Both buildings are still standing and no one was murdered, so it must have turned out all right ...

December 06, 2012

Treacle Thursday

For all of you that haven't had a chance to watch the "news" shows this morning, the following has been featured prominently.

Be sure you have a sheet wrapped around your neck like a bib, because at the worst, you may puke all over it and at the least you may just taste a little poop in your mouth.

Please turn up your volume and enjoy this abortion.

December 05, 2012

Cleaning Out The Old Photo Album

Occasionally, when I'm goofing around on the computer, I'll find a picture that I can't resist and I'll copy it into my photo album.  And from time to time, I'll go through the album, looking at family photos when I run across one of these strange pictures and wonder why the hell I saved it.

So, today I'm going through my album and deleting some pictures.  But, before I get rid of them, I thought I'd share ... because I love sharing.

I'm going to have a little fun with this first one and ask you all to play "Who the fuck is this guy?" Ready?  The answer will be below, but don't cheat and look until you've recited the "Final Jeopardy" theme in your head ...

I deal in jewels now ... instead of DEATH!

He's an old William Calley.  For those of you 50 years on this ball or older, you might remember him as Lt. William Calley, who was convicted for the massacre of tens of civilians in the village of My Lai during the Vietnam War.  Like I said, he was convicted, but I think he was pardoned soon after by then President Nixon.  He has a jewelry shop now.

Okay, I don't know why I saved this one, but I think I must have snorted out a laugh when I first looked at it ...

More tasty than "ordinary" Ramen noodles.

Ha, Ha!  It's funny because Chinese doesn't translate into English well.  Kind of like this one ...

So ... you know how you go into some guy's office and he's usually a supervisor and he's kind of a dick who needs to have those motivational posters on his wall that say shit like "Teamwork", and "Excel" and "Strive" and they always have pictures of eagles or a scull team on them?  Yeah, I despise those fucking things.  That's why I liked this one ...

Okay, one last picture from the album.  And there's a little story behind this one.  On St. Patricks Day of this year, Jan and I bought a new car, and we traded our old one off for it, which was a mistake.  Well, the car (a black 2002 Pontiac Grand Prix) had over a 100k on it, the transmission was acting like a bitch, and it was just a money pit.  So, I figured we wouldn't get much for it.  The Blue Book on it was 2 grand, and they offered me 1800.  I hate dealing and the salesman said they were just going to load it on a truck and send it to the auto auction, so I took it.

A couple of days later, I was looking on the dealer's website and saw this ...

Auto auction, huh?

It was on sale for $9,739 ...  I about shit my pants.  I have to admit, that several days later the price went down below six thousand.  And who knows, maybe it did eventually end up at an auto auction.  Man, I hate car dealers.

And that's it for this edition of "Cleaning out my photo album".  These will be blown into the ether, and I'll probably spend the rest of the day downloading new ones so I can do this again in six months or so.

I can't help myself.