November 10, 2011

Whoring Out

On the Blogger Dashboard there's a tab labeled "Monetize".  I guess you push this thing and Blogger starts crapping up your weblog with a bunch of condom ads or something.  Well, like most people, I'd like to make money with my blog.  Unfortunately, I don't have the traffic volume to really make the old "Monetize" thing worth while.

So, I spent countless minutes looking for companies that would like to run an ad on Frogs For Lunch. And my overtures were met with a great indifference ... some would say a mocking great indifference.

Except for one outstanding organization.  And so, without ado, I'd like to present my very first advertisement from The Great Fake Book Edges Of The World, LLC!

For People Who Like Books But Don't Like To Read.

  This unique collection of the Great Book Edges of the Western World gives you the expensive look of quality books without the words or paper.  These impressive titles are printed on authentic dust cover paper and mounted on a lightweight, wood-like shelf unit that gives any room the look of wealth and taste instantly!  With the Great Book Edges of the Western World you can look well-read without opening a book!
  Indeed.  Imagine, by means of the following example how our fabulous collection works.  Plato's Republic contains hundreds of pages of the popular Greek philosopher's detailed and highly complicated logical argument; unquestionably one of the greatest treasuries of pure thought in the history of mankind, yet totally devoid of appeal or entertainment by today's standards.  Our research shows that a person of average intelligence and reading skills would, unless specially involved or versed in philosophy, conservatively require a minimum of 1,760 hours to complete the book.  At an hour an evening, every evening, the total time spent turns out to be almost four years.
  Not only would such a long period limit an adult with a normal life expectancy to an approximate age span of 15 similar works, a meager sum to be sure; but in addition, the typical individual could encounter difficulty in recalling portions of the book read during the first several years when he or she has progressed to the third or fourth year.  How many times have you asked yourself toward the end of a two hour film event "Was that the gentleman he encountered on the street at the beginning of the picture?"  Now, simply transfer that sort of inquiry to a four year book that consists primarily of two characters extemporizing with one another.
  "Did Socrates conclude that a state can exist without agriculture?" is a question you might be asking yourself in 2015, without so much as a clue as to the point in your previous years of reading where the passage appeared.  Suddenly, factoring the highly probable element of forgotten links in the discourse, the projected total of 15 books dwindles to an oppressively laborious and tragically deficient one or two.  Imagine yourself on your deathbed, flanked by your pair of books.  How sad! Empty walls, empty shelves, and empty space to squarely exhibit an empty, illiterate life.
  Now, you have the opportunity to fill those walls, shelves and spaces with a formidable collection of the Western World's finest written titles, showing all to see the rich and illuminated texture of your very life.  Great Book Edges of the Western World frees you to do the things you can do, while yet securing for you the reward for something your would like to do, but cannot, ever.

All you have to do is enclose your check or money order in the amount of $89.99 for each 8' by 5' section of book edges and address the envelope to:

The Great Fake Book Edges Of The World, LLC
4583 Stovepipe Road
Minnetonka, MN

(Note:  Please allow 6 weeks to 6 months for delivery)

And as the chief honcho here at Frogs For Lunch, I hope you will!  And please come back and visit this post often, because the fine folks at The Great Fake Book Edges Of The World, LLC have promised me one-tenth of one cent for every hit I get on it!

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