June 18, 2012

What The Hell's?

I just came inside from watering the plants.  We have too many plants, but I don't mind the perennials too much.  You don't have to keep planting them year after year.  It's the annuals I mind, but Jan likes them, so I lose.  The problem I have with annuals is that if you don't have a lot of rain during the season, you end up hauling tanker loads of water out to them in an embarrassing little plastic jug with a fake sunflower for a spout.  We bought more annuals this year than we've ever had.

And of course we're in the middle of a motherfucking drought.  So every night I water ... and water ... and water.

For what?  The ungrateful little bastards still have fainting spells every day.  Their little leaves wilt and they swoon. And come Fall ... well they die anyway.

But I digress.

I came back inside about 7:00, just in time to watch WHAT USED TO BE my favorite Summer show. Hell's Kitchen.  This year is sucks on several levels.  One level is the people.  They're all ugly.  The women all look like fat dwarf scags, and the men all look like they run meth production units in their creepy houses when they aren't cooking.

Taking after their idol, Gordon Ramsay, their sentences consist of a few words of English dominated by "fuck", "shit", "piss", "motherfucker" and others too numerous to mention.  The audio of the show consists of 5 minutes of words you can say on television, and 40 minutes of profanity ... punctuated by "BEEEEEEEEP".  How fucking annoying.

You BURNED The Beef Wellington Scallop Spaghetti!

I've also developed two theories about this show.  These people are supposed to be "chefs".  But I think the producers just prowl the worst diners in America and hire dishwashers. What else can explain these people's inability to cook ANYTHING.

Also, whichever one of these Wonks wins the competition is supposed to run Gordo's restaurant in the semi-famous restaurant he owns in the semi-famous Paris hotel in Las Vegas.  I think it's called "Steak", or some original name like it.  Since none of these guys can wipe their own butts, little alone cook, I'm guessing the winner gets to run the place one night before they open, and then is canned before the paying customers come in.

Anyway, tonight they're making "Mexican" food, and I'm sure they'll fuck that up.  Who the hell can fuck up a taco?

I'll sit here and watch though, so I can watch a better Gordo show after it.  "Master Chef".

Oh ... the blind Asian wins.  Mark my word.

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