Family Secrets

When I was a kid in grade school, I loved comic books. I'd walk over to the IGA every Tuesday, when the new comic books would hit the stands. I'd spend an hour or more deciding which two I would buy, because after all, they cost 12 cents apiece. Twenty-five cents if it was an "annual".

"Batman" was always a must, but it only came out twice a month. So I filled in the between weeks with things like Sgt. Rock & His Howling Commandos, Our Army At War (with Captain Johnny Cloud) and even Superman once in a while, even though I thought he was kind of gay.

But there was one comic book that I was always on the lookout for ... Donald Duck. Even as a boy I had eclectic tastes. DD came out on a wildly erratic schedule. You were never sure when it would be available. It was my favorite because the stories were always well crafted, and filled with surprisingly sophisticated jokes.

I mention the above, because tonight I was doing some aimless surfing on the computer, and completely by accident came across this ...

Awesome!

(Click on picture to enlarge!)

After studying Donald's family tree for a few minutes, I came upon the answer to a question I had always asked myself. Where did Donald's nephews; Huey, Dewey and Louie come from? I mean, I always knew he called them his nephews, but I had thought that it was just a term he had coined to explain them, and that they were actually waifs that he had just picked up off the street in some fashion.

As it turns out, Donald has a sister. And her name is Della. And it appears that Huey, Dewey and Louie are her kids.

Okay, one question is answered ... but a big 'ole door has just been swung wide open on a whole new set of questions. If you look closely, you'll see that Della is linked to a character identified only as "Duck".

So, what the hell is the deal there? Did Della marry this "Duck"? Did she have a one-night stand with "Duck", and Huey, Dewey and Louie are the result? Are Donald's nephews bastard children? Is it like "Chinatown" and Donald's father impregnated Della so that Huey, Dewey and Louie are Donald's brothers and nephews?

And what the fuck happened to Della? Did she die? Did she run off? What's the story behind Donald getting custody of her kids?

Holy Shit! This is going to bother me for the rest of my life!

Who knew the potential scandal that had laid secret within the Duck family. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to fire off a letter to the Disney Company, demanding that they give me some answers to this sordid story.

Either that or I'm going to tip off The National Inquirer.