May 06, 2010

Bad Ass Muthas

For those of you just awakening from a coma and have subsequently missed the barrage of television, radio and on-line reminders, this Sunday is Mother's Day.  So if your Momma lives out of state, you'd better get a card, sign it and get it in the ... OH, TOO LATE!  Better luck next year!

If anyone cared to ask my opinion, I'd tell them that Mother's Day is just another one of those made-up special occasions to sell merchandise.  But that's not a real popular opinion, so I generally keep it to myself.   Most people use the day to "honor" the woman who brought them into the world, and to share favorite memories.

My favorite memory of my dear Mother is the many times she became enraged with me and, shaking with the holy spirit, handed me a butcher knife and told me to go "cut a switch" from the elm tree in the back yard, because she was going to beat the living shit out of me.  She also called me "stupid" a lot too, but that one was probably deserved, given the many times I was handed a knife and didn't use the opportunity to back her in a corner rather than receiving the business end of a tree limb.

Ha, ha!  But I joketh too much.  And besides, those types of recollections are better saved for my therapist.

I'm sure Mothers as a group feel bad at times about the poor decisions they made in raising their offspring. Some feel so bad that they will write into confessional websites just to unburden themselves of their guilt.  I ran across such a place this afternoon and, as always, would like to share ...

"I wish my teenage children would run away from home so I can have some peace."

"I sometime wish we only had one child.  My second born is always crying and just a pain in the ass."

"When my son was little, I was always bored playing stupid games with him.  I wonder if he noticed this."

"1 day with my 2 and 4 year old is like torture.  They fight, I scream .. it goes on and on and I cant wait until they are both in school so I can have some peace."

"I'm a bad mother because I tired to clean the shit of my baby, wash my husband clothes and walk the dog.  I'm going crazy!  I would like to let all just go bannannas."

"Yesterday, my husband and I put the baby down for a nap, then sent the bigger kids off to the neighbors for an hour so we could have sex."

"I think to be a bad mom!! and my huosband is better then me!  in fact my baby prefer him to me! sob."

"My 3 children have frustrated me a lot this week and I have yelled at them using the F bomb!"

"Sometime I think my one year old might be the spawn of Satan."

"I'm a bad mom because I hate my husband's kids from his first marage and encorage my 4 year old to beat up on her 9 year old half sister because frankly my 4 yr old is prettier, smarter and better in every way," 

Yeesh!  And these weren't the worst ones.  Each of them would make an excellent public service announcement for contraceptives.

Shit, even with the knives and switches, my Mom wasn't that bad.  Of course she never had anonymous websites to write into either.  Thank heavens for modern technology ...

Happy Mother's Day Ma!

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahaha - This is why I never had kids - I would've been one of those moms, writing in about how I just drowned little Timmy in the tub. And then I would've gone to prison.

    Sounds like your mom was a doozy - sorry about that.