May 15, 2010

Germophobe No-Cuts Asshole

Scene Fade In:

For reasons unexplained, Rob and Jan find themselves grocery shopping at the local WalMart Supercenter at 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday evening.  They stand in line putting their low, low everyday price foodstuffs on the check-out belt.

Red-Faced Old Man Holding Pink Pocketbook (RFOMHPP):  "My, this is the shortest line I could find and I only have one thing to buy."

Me:  "I do not wish to converse with you."

RFOMHPP: "Huh? Could I go ahead of you?  I only have one thing."

Me:  "Sure, if you give me ten dollars."

RFOMHPP:  (Sputter) "What?  But I only have one item."

Me:  "The price is ten dollars, or you wait".

RFOMHPP:  "Sputter" ... {Silence}

Cut to:  Ugly Mother and Troll Son in Front of Rob and Jan:

Troll Son: "AAAACHOOO!"

Ugly Mother:  "Derek!  Cover your nose when you sneeze!"

Troll Son:  "Blub." (Pulls t-shirt tail out of his shorts and wipes his nose)

Me:  "Awww SHIT kid."

Troll Son:  "AAAACHOOO!"  (Ugly Mother puts hand up to Troll Son's nose just as he lets go, then uses same hand to punch in password on card swipe keyboard, then leaves)

Me:  "Awww SHIT!"

Walmart Check-out Person (WMCOP):  "Hi!  How are you this evening?"

Me:  "Do you have any Lysol?"

WMCOP:  "Yes, in aisle 8."

Me:  "No, I mean here."

WMCOP:  "No."

Me:  "Awwww SHIT!" (Punches in password on card swipe keyboard with elbow)

Scene:  Fade Out ...

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