May 10, 2010

Wikipedia Ruined My Reading Experience

I haven't read a book in a long time.  Feeling shameful, and remembering a somewhat okay review by a fellow web chronicler, I stopped by our local library and found a copy of Stephen King's "Under The Dome".  After borrowing a two-wheeler from the helpful library ladies so I could lug the 10,000 page tome out to my truck, I took it home and began reading.

And once again, the Kingster had a great premise for a novel.  The kooky residents of another town near Castle Rock, Maine are going about their business on a sunny Fall day, when all of a sudden a big fucking dome slams down around the entire town resulting in an airplane crash, a semi tractor trailer explosion, a pacemaker blowing up in the sheriff's chest and a severed woodchuck.  All this in the first ten pages.

At this point I was sidetracked by a thought.  I've read a lot of Stephen King novels, and if you took each time a story was set in or around the town of Castle Rock, Maine, then extrapolated, multiplied, divided, added and subtracted; the theoretical population density of Maine would be 43 towns and 4,343,285 people per square foot, give or take an inch.

Anyway, I was off to the races on my book and was looking forward to all the twists and turns that would culminate in some satisfying conclusion.  Also, if some pollster stopped me on the street and inquired as to the last book I had read, I wouldn't have to tell him it was "The Cat In The Hat", or worse, just become flustered and tell him that print was dead.

But first, I had to make dinner.  And after dinner was eaten and the dishes cleared, I got sidetracked again on my laptop (this happens a lot).

Long story short, through my awful habit of Googling everything to death, I happened to run across a synopsis of "Under The Dome" on the fountain of all purely factual information, Wikipedia.  And although I told myself not to read it, pleaded with myself not to read it, threatened myself not to read it ... well, I read it.


Well, it turns out that this novel is just about like another one of King's novels, "The Stand".  Everyone in the town divides up into "good and evil" groups.  There's a lot of skullduggery and Judas like betrayals until the big apocalyptic fight at the end.  And when the secret of the dome is revealed, it turns out to be some fucking prank by a bunch of punk-ass teenage aliens from outer space, who basically get bored and lift up the dome.  The End.

Fuck me ...

So, I don't know whether I should be glad that Wikipedia saved me the time reading this thing, only to find out I had been hoodwinked by a lame-o ending, or I should have just plowed through it to maintain my reading skills.  Probably the latter.

Maybe next time I'll just stick to Dr. Seuss.


  1. I love that you said "Danger Will Robinson." I thought I was the only who said that!

  2. And I loved that someone actually got that! You'd be shocked at how many people just look at me like I've lost my mind when I blurt that out.

  3. Now I'm picturing the robot flailing his robot-arms around .....