December 01, 2010

Secret Lives

Tonight, on the way home from work, I stopped at Walgreens for cough syrup and Christmas cards (don't ask).  As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw Jan walking towards the store.  She saw me and kind of half-waved and then picked up her pace and walked into the store.

It was cold and spitting snow, so I didn't blame her for not stopping and waiting for me to park.  I thought she'd just wait inside the entrance for me.  But when I walked in, she was no where to be seen.  I went up and down a few aisles, but no Jan.  So, I went ahead and hunted down the cough syrup and cards and headed for the front to check out, thinking I would see her there.

When I got to the front, I  caught a glimpse of her carrying her purchase and skittering out the door into the parking lot.  When I had paid for my stuff, I went outside, but she had vanished.  As I arrived home, she was taking her school stuff out of the car, so I parked the truck ... and ...

Me:  What the fuck was that?!

Jan:  What?

Me:  Why didn't you wait for me at Walgreens?

Jan:  Oh, were you at Walgreens?

Me:  Well, you waved at me in the parking lot, what the fuck do you mean "Was I at Walgreens?"

Jan:  Oh, yeah.  I was in a hurry.

Me:  What were you doing?  Hooking up with your boyfriend or something?

Jan:  Oh ... yeah!  That's it!  He and I always have our secret trysts in the middle of Walgreens!  Idiot!

Me:  Okay, then what were you there for?

Jan:  To get ... stuff.

Me:  What stuff?

Jan:  You know ... stuff.  You got stuff ... I was getting stuff.

Me:  I got cough syrup and Christmas cards.  What did you get?

Me:  Glare

Jan:  Ohhhh ... okay!  I bought a bag of candy bars for my secret stash!

Me:  Secret stash?

Jan:  Yes asshole ... my secret stash!  Don't you have one of those?

Me:  No.  Pause ... but that's not a bad idea ...

Me:  Where is it?

Jan:  It's secret.  That's why I call it a secret stash, jerk!

Me:  Oh.  What kind of candy bars?

Jan:  Kit Kat.

Me:  Pause ...  Gimme one ...


  1. She should have been forced to give you all of them. That's the penalty for lying.

    And isn't the cough syrup for your secret stash?

  2. Damn, I need to get me one of those secret stashes.