This morning I'm doing my best to avoid doing anything house-husbandy by watching The Today Show. Switching from Good Morning America to The Today Show was my only New Years Resolution. Except for a few lapses of memory, I've pretty much kept it and I'm pretty damned proud of myself.
I'd like to go buy some new underwear this morning, but I'm wondering if there is a socially acceptable time to purchase boxer shorts. Is before 9:00 a.m. too soon?
While I'm mulling that over, I find myself pondering various questions that are whirling around in my mind.
After just one and a half months off, I'm going back to work next week. Is this good, or did I really want some more time off? If I did want more time off, would I admit this to anyone but myself? Is this normal? What about those people you always see who say they can never imagine not working? Are they just trying to bullshit everybody else in their pathetic bid to paint themselves as superior to every other human, living or dead?
After 18 years, we had to put our cat to sleep last week. Several days later, we received a sympathy card from the crematorium. When did this shit start? Do the survivors of a deceased human being receive a condolence card from the crematorium?
Speaking of cat ashes, I'm dreading getting a call from the Vet's office telling me that what's left of Sam is ready for curbside pick-up. What's the protocol for doing this? Do I look somber? Do I take a recyclable shopping bag? I guess they come in an urn or something. Do I look inside they urn while I'm at the office and say "Yep, that's her all right?"
I read an article yesterday proclaiming that "50 Is The New 30". How is this possible? Did the earth change its orbit recently so now it takes one and a half times as long to circle the sun? Why wasn't I informed of this important development?
Okay, it's getting near 9 a.m. now, so I've decided it's safe to go hunt for underwear. Boxers or briefs? Plain or patterned? Hanes or Fruit of the Loom?
Questions, questions ...