February 12, 2012

State Pride

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon here in the upper midwest.  There's not much to do because it's approximately 1 degree above zero outside (fucking Winter), so I've been trolling around the intertubes.  And look what I found on the Library of Congress site ...

NICKNAMES OF THE STATES (circa 1840's or so)

You'll have to click the picture to enlarge it, otherwise, it just looks like a blob.  Most kids know that their state has a nickname.  I grew up in the hillbilly mountains of Missouri, so I knew early on that it was called "The Show-Me State".  I wasn't really sure why, but it appears that Missourians are a stubborn bunch and want to be shown something before they believe it.  No theoretical shit for them. The state I've lived in for the last 30 years or so, Illinois, has become my adopted state.  And of course, Illinois is "The Land of Lincoln" because he used to own some land here I guess.

But the map I found was created by some iron company who made rings to be inserted into the noses of cattle and swine.  I suppose that was popular back then.  It was some promotional device and you'll notice that a pig is the star in each state.  You'll also notice that the nicknames are a little different than they are here in the 21st century.  People weren't so politically correct back then.  And although some of the nicknames are the same now as they were back then (Massachusetts is the Bay State, Indiana is the Hoosier State), some of them aren't.

Take the state of my birth, Missouri.  "Pukes".  That's kind of harsh, but I lived in Iowa for a few years and I knew a few people who would agree with that assessment whole heartedly.  Especially that one douchebag at the Purina plant where I worked who called me a "Goddamned Missouri Asshole" out of the blue one day.  Compared to that, I guess "pukes" is rather mild.

Illinois isn't much better.  "Suckers".  I guess that fits.  The politicians make suckers of us every day. We continue to elect Governors who regularly make prison their next stop after leaving office and most people wish that Indiana would annex Chicago by military force so we could be rid of it.

There are some other good ones.  Nebraskans are "Bug Eaters", New Mexico residents are "Greasers" and people who hail from Maryland are "Crab Thumpers".  The reason that last sentence was partially awkward is because I actually don't know what to call people who are from New Mexico and Maryland (New Mexicoians?, Marylandites?)  Shit ... you've got me.

So, if you're a resident of one of the states with questionable nicknames, you still have to feel better than the residents of Utah.  According to the map, they're so overwhelmingly boring that they don't even RATE a nickname.  I know they have one now, but I don't recall what it is off-hand.  "The Beehive State"?  Or is that Idaho?  If it turns out they don't have one, I've got an idea.  "Depraved Weirdos".

Haha!  Just kidding ... seriously.

Anyway, what do I know?  I'm a pukesucker.

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