This morning I got up, went downstairs and turned the television on to the news. I glanced down to the right hand corner of the screen, where they usually post the time and temperature. Hmm. 52 degrees. So, I slid my glasses down from the top of my head and checked again. Still 52 degrees.
I padded over to the refrigerator and looked at the calendar. July 1, 2009. Then I looked at the newspaper. July 1, 2009.
What the fuck!
It's the middle of the goddamned Summer and it's cold here! I am actually wearing a sweatshirt, and as I look out the window, the birds have this quizzical look on their little avian faces and I'm certain that in their little bird minds, they are also thinking "What the fuck" in their little bird language. Maybe they think they blanked out after their fermented berry orgy the previous night and that they have missed Summer and it's time for them to hi tail their little asses back to Louisiana, or Barbados, or wherever the hell they came from.
This reminds me of the cult classic "Dark City", where some dude wakes up in a bathtub and it turns out his whole city has been abducted by aliens and is in the middle of deep space. Maybe the same thing has happened to my little village, only we have been transported to the middle of fucking Antarctica only that's probably not it because I'm sure Antarctica would be warmer than it is here right now.
I'd complain to someone, but I don't know of anyone who could take care of it besides God, or Vishnu, or Allah, or someone like that and I don't have any of their phone numbers.
So shit! I guess I will go pull my boots and overcoat out of the closet, because I'm certain that the next thing to occur will be 3 feet of snow.
I mean ... what the fuck ...