3,197,294

Three million one hundred ninety seven thousand two hundred ninety four. That's my ranking on Technorati.

Back in the early Spring of this year, when I first started my blog, I was very excited about the concept. And a while later, when I learned that I might actually be able to make money from my blog through advertising, I became very excited. Just imagine, all I have to do is write a stupid post once in a while, and the money will come rolling in! But, a little while after that, I found out that you actually have to have someone reading your blog to make said money, and I had no clue if anybody was reading it at all.

I went about researching ways to increase my readership. The top suggestion from all of the articles I read on the subject was "write something people are interested in". Well, that was just too much work. If I actually knew what people were interested in, I'd already be writing for The New Yorker, or Hustler, or some other big time rag.

I did notice that some of the more popular blogs that I read had a little green "Technorati" tag on them, so I checked them out to see if that would increase my traffic.

I thought joining might be a little difficult, sort of like the time I was in 4th grade and wanted to join the National Geographic Society, but couldn't get a sponsor. However, as it turned out, all I had to do was fill in my name and my e-mail address and presto! I was a member. Now things would surely start rocking ...

Several days later, I looked at my ranking. 3,197,294 with no fans and no authority (whatever that means). So, was that good, or bad? If Technorati had 133,197,294 members, it was good. But if it only had 3,197, 295 members, it was pretty dismal.

The number has never changed since that first day. I look at it every once in a while and it stares back, mocking me. I still have no authority (whatever that means), but I do have one fan! Unfortunately, that fan is me. When I had another blog, I signed onto this one as a fan. Yes ... I am a charlatan, a cheat, a fraud ... and I am ashamed.

So, here I am. Mr. 3,197,294. That's fine though. I never really wanted to mess up the side bar on my blog with advertising, except maybe for that one that features an artificial vagina. That one fascinates me. Just imagine the kind of person who buys an artificial vagina ... or don't. Yeah, that's probably best.

On a brighter note, I'm pleased to report that Frogs For Lunch is the number one hit on Google Blog Search when you exactly type in "Frogs For Lunch". Except for those days when that guy talking about his Chinese lunch is number one.

Asshole.

Updated 10/14: As of this morning, it looks as though Technorati completely changed their entire site. So exactly nothing that I wrote above makes any sense now. But ... it was fun writing it. Congrats Technorati, on your decision to commit protracted suicide.