December 19, 2009

Stuff You Buy That Makes You Look Uncool

So, I've been constipated the last couple of months.

I've been trying to ignore it, but I hate that stopped up feeling that you get ... like something isn't right.  And, indeed, something isn't right.  I was reading something, somewhere a couple of months ago that stated a normal person moves his/her bowels two to three times a day.  I thought that was kind of hard to believe, but this nugget of information stayed with me, and crept into my thoughts as my stopped uppedness continued unabated. Finally, a few days ago, I stopped at Walgreens and bought some fiber supplements.  I didn't know what to get, so I bought some of the capsules (psyllium husks) and a big bottle of that powder junk that you stir in your drinks, but it's not supposed to make it all gummy or taste funny (corn dextrin).  I wanted to make sure that if one wouldn't work, the other would step up to the plate and get the job done.

Remedies in hand, I stepped up to the checkout counter, where the cashier looked at my two huge bottles of fiber, and then grinned as she averted her eyes to the counter and put the bottles in a bag.

Me:  What?

Cashier:  Nothing.

Me:  I'm plugged up, okay?

Cashier:  Well, this ought to solve it.

Me:  I'll let you know next time I'm here.

Driving home, I thought that at least she had the honesty to come right out and say what other cashiers may only think when you buy things like that.  Some items are just embarrassing to purchase, even if they are right there on the shelves, ready to help you solve what every day dilemmas you may face.  So, I started thinking what other items I purchase that I'd just rather not if I didn't have the need for them.  I've listed them in no particular order of embarrassment ...

Toenail Clippers

Prophylactics

Okra

Barbie

Personal Lubricant

Zima

Jock Itch Spray

Ex-Lax

Nose Hair Clippers

Vagisil

Anti-diarrheal capsules

Cock Ring (not available at Walgreeens)

I'm sure there are some that I've missed, but that doesn't mean I haven't bought them.

By the way, the fiber is working beautifully, and I'm living la vita loca once again.

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