April 14, 2010

How Not To Have A Productive Business Meeting

I'm fortunate enough to work for a very large corporation.  Said corporation employs thousands of people world wide and makes things everybody wants to have.  Chances are, you are using something my corporation manufactures right this very instant, particularly if you are in a hospital bed or are suffering from the heartbreak of erectile dysfunction.

The primary work function in my particular group is to go to meetings.  There must be 50 meeting rooms in the building I'm in, and every work day, each one of these meeting rooms is occupied by someone for 8 solid hours or more.  The rooms all have peek-a-boo glass fronts, so you can look in as you pass down the hallways.  There are people working on their laptops, writing on white boards and easels, gesturing wildly with their arms, passed out on the floor, or in some instances, bitch-slapping each other.  It's quite a sight!

My supervisor is no exception.  She is a wise and savvy lady (after all, she hired me) and loves to have meetings. This week, one of her staff meeting times was preempted by another, larger meeting, so she was forced to take the only time available to her, which happened to be the lunch hour.

Fearing a revolt, or a 100% no-show, she came up with the idea of having a "pot luck lunch meeting".  Now, I have to admit, in all my years, I have been to a lot of pot luck functions, but never one with a business meeting as it's theme.

I've already forgotten what the meeting was about, but I doubt that anybody did, because from the minute that all 25 of us crammed into the conference room and started chowing down on the food laden conference table, it might as well have been about how one of our products killed adorable puppies and kitties, because no one cared about anything besides stuffing food in their faces, fake complimenting other people on their macaroni salad and wiping Kentucky Fried Chicken grease on their clothing.

At the end of our allotted meeting time, we all waddled back to our cubes, logy with starch and sugar and tried to stay awake.   And because we had given up our lunch period for business purposes, everyone left an hour early.

God.  I love this place.

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