August 04, 2011

Compliments (And Other Insults)

Instead of being out in the beautiful weather today, I've parked my ass inside waiting for "One of Those Phone Calls".  That's the kind where you've been promised a call that will make a situation that's bugging the living shit out of you all better ... or worse ... depending on the answer you want to hear.

So, besides a splitting headache, I've had lots of time to think about other things that bug me, but haven't had time to figure out, until now.

I'm not overly fussy about my appearance, but try to take care of myself and always appreciate the occasional favorable comment.  However, after visiting with relatives and friends during July, I'm convinced that I need to go back to the drawing board when it comes to my looks.

Here's a sampling:

My Mother:  How long have you had that beard?

Me:  I've had it for four years now Ma ... I had it the last time I was here.

My Mother:  You really should shave.

My Mother:  Turn around, let me see how big your bald spot is getting.

Me:  Fuck you Ma.

Okay, okay ... it's my mother.  She's going to be that way.  But wait ...

My Sister:  Holy Shit!  You really look old!

Me:  Really!  You really look fat!

Okay, my sister really never did like me.

My Friend:  Hey!  I saw your latest picture on facebook.  You know, you really shouldn't wear shorts.

Me:  (Busy un-friending friend on facebook)

Another Friend:  Hey!  Your left eye is all droopy.  Did you have a stroke or something?

Me:  (Too stunned to speak, re-enforcing the notion that I had a stroke) 

It sure is nice to get out and visit with people that you haven't seen for a while.  I think I'll spend August alone in a cabin someplace in Wyoming.   Preferably a place that doesn't have mirrors.


  1. People never cease to amaze me with the things they blurt out. Think it don't say it is my motto.
    A lady at work came into my office the other day and said, "Are you eating again?!"
    How do you respond to that? Maybe with tease your hair a little more - it's losing the football helmet look...
    I enjoy reading your posts, they are pretty amusing and hey, I bet Wyoming isn't half bad =)

  2. Jess ... I know they don't mean it. Maybe it's a brain fart or nervousness, or something. Anyway, it's always good for a laugh afterwards. Thanks for the compliment. Made my day ... believe me :)

  3. I like to respond to comments like that with a hefty "go fuck yourself"

    My Mom really enjoys that one.