It seems to be popular now for people to freely admit that they are afraid of clowns. But that's so passe'. What people are really afraid of are dummies. Simply because these little wooden/plastic/paper mache monsters come from the nightmares of their creators ... who have issues. Some of the dummies are a little frightening, but rather benign. If you're old enough, you'll probably remember some of the friendlier ones from your childhood. Others are the stuff of sheer horror. Let me take you through some examples:
Who Didn't Love Buffalo Bob & Howdy?
Buffalo Bob was kind of a dick, but Howdy Doody wasn't too scary. Unless he was trying to push Malt-O-Meal on you.
Edgar Bergen, Charlie McCarthy and Whatsizface
I keep wanting to call Whatizface "Charley Horse", but that was Sheri Lewis' puppet. Now that I think about it. It's name is Mortimer Snerd. Bergen was a pretty good ventriloquist until he stopped the vaudeville circuit and went on radio. Then he got lazy and moved his lips all the time, ruining him. Still ... not a scary group.
Paul Winchell w/Jerry Mahoney & Knucklehead Smiff
Winchell and his somewhat creepy dolls were a mainstay of late 1950's and early 1960's variety shows. I always left the room because they weren't even remotely funny. Paul's spots were good for piss breaks.
Getting Creepy
I didn't know Erich Von Stroheim made a dummy movie, but I have to look this one up. "Gabbo" is a great name.
Who's Scarier ... The Wife Or The Dummy?
Man, this is starting to get creepy. I guess this would put the fear of God in you. Where did "Timmy" go at night?
The Origin Of Michael Meyers (or Jason)
This Guy HAD To Have His Hands Super Busy!
Okay, that's enough to keep some of you awake for a while past your bed time tonight. So the next time someone tries to tell you how scary clowns are ... just remind them that:
I don't think dummies are scary. They're just ... not funny. Like clowns are not funny. They're just lame.
ReplyDeleteTrue story: When I was a little kid, one of my older sisters took me to the circus. For some reason we had front row seats, and one of the clowns kept coming over and hitting on her. She was all, "As if!" Ha. Maybe that's where my dislike of clowns comes from.