September 21, 2010

Amazing Inventions

Last Saturday night, I was lying on the floor watching a movie, when I became aware of noises from the house next door.  There was much clanking and grinding and hammering of metal going on, and as I looked out in the dark from my side window and noted that the time on the clock was 9:45 p.m., the first thought in my mind was ...

"What the fuck is Hillbilly Ron doing now?"

Ron has been my neighbor to the west for over ten years now.  And when he's not trying to shoot me full of arrows or scaring the shit out of me with bloody severed deer heads, he's immersed in scatter brained money making schemes.  These include, but are not limited to, bicycle and lawnmower repair, reclaiming used freezers and refrigerators and cornering the market on crappy kiddie lawn toys and structures.

I realize that you can't necessarily pick your neighbors, and I know it could have been worse, but every time Ron stumbles across his next sure thing money making scheme, I can feel the value of my home go down ten grand or so.  Imagine, if you will, a "For Sale" sign in my yard, and as prospective buyers pull up in my driveway, they see this to their right ...

You Thought I Was Kidding About The Refrigerators?

Anyway, back to Saturday night.  It was totally dark, so I couldn't make out what Ron was doing out in this driveway, but the noise went on until almost 11:00, when it mercifully ended.  Grateful that I would be able to go to sleep in peace, I forgot about it until Sunday morning, when I stepped outside and saw this ...


Yes, it appeared to be a tennis/volleyball/badminton net welded to a trailer.  And on closer inspection, it was exactly that.  The only thing I could think of was that Hillbilly Ron had decided to expand his empire and go into the "Rent-A-Tennis/Volleyball/Badminton Net For Your Party" business.  Although the logistics of playing any of the three games with a net welded to a metal trailer with numerous sharp edges would seem to be difficult, I'm sure Ron will highlight the X-TREME angle of his set-up from a marketing standpoint.

I don't know, maybe I'm just jealous of Ron's imagination and business savvy.  I just hope he doesn't keep this piece of shit parked in his driveway forever.


Update:  Much to my chagrin, I found out later in the day that the local high school was having their homecoming parade (on a Sunday afternoon?) that day and that this was a "float".  And this was exactly the way it was dragged through the streets with no embellishments whatsoever.  So, I may have been full of shit about his intentions, but he still gets an F+ for float making.

End of story.

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