June 08, 2009

Scenes From Suburban Hell

So, I'm out killing weeds in my backyard, when my next door neighbor comes out on his balcony and starts shooting arrows at a box along our fence line.

Me:  Don't shoot me.
Dumbass:  Don't worry, I'm aiming at the box.
Me:  I don't give a fuck what you're aiming at.  Don't shoot me.

He comes over with the box and shows me the holes he made with the arrows.

Dumbass:  See, they're all close together!
Me:  Very impressive.  Don't shoot me.
Dumbass:  Yeah, I guess I shouldn't practice in the back yard.
Me:  Good call.

He retreats into his house.

Me:  Sigh.


  1. I thought someone was shooting a gun in our neighborhood and was ready to call the police when I saw the neighbor's 12-year-old kid in the road with his HUGE bullwhip-- that thing must have had a 20 foot radius or something.
    Who the hell gives that to a kid?

  2. It's not like anyone ever died from a shot that wasn't aimed at them.

    Oh, wait...