June 24, 2009

Hair Today

Early this morning, I was standing at the kitchen window, sipping on a cup of coffee and mentally flipping through various things as they came into my head, when I suddenly stopped on the subject of my hair.

I wondered how much of my hair I'd have left in 10 years.  This is a subject that I don't normally dwell on.  After 50 some-odd years on the planet, I still have the majority of the hair I started out with.  Oh sure, at about 40 it started getting a little thin in the back, but I never notice unless I'm doing the old "double mirror" trick to shave the back of my neck (shit, I hope someone else does that besides me, or I'm going to seem like a weirdo).  But lately, during those sessions, I've noticed that the "thinning" has started moving down toward the front of my head.

So, what to do about that?  The only thing I can think of is to have my hair cut shorter, which I've been doing lately.  I figure that way, at least if I am going into a major hair loss nose dive, that I'll be able to see it coming.

When I first started noticing my hair thinning, I made a pact with myself that I would do nothing to stop it.  No Rogaine, no "toops", no comb-overs ... nothing.   To me, there is nothing more pathetic than a man who tries to hide his hair loss.  Even the most dull-witted among us can spot hair camouflage at a hundred yards.  And besides, it just makes a person look ridiculous.  One time, I saw Bob Barker in person ...

Now, first ... I did not plan to see Bob Barker, so I'm not trying to act like a minor celebrity whore.  Bob Barker just showed up at some place I happened to be at.  I think it was a shoe store opening or some shit like that.  And I am a whore for shoe store openings. 

Anyway, it was a windy day and Bob was standing there talking about Timberland Boots or something, and a gust of wind caught his hair, resulting in a major portion of it moving from one side of his head to the other, leaving him bald on top and with approximately 4 feet of hair hanging down the other side of his head.  He tried to fix it, but did nothing but rearrange it into kind of a lop sided haystack on top of his head.  The crowd was aghast, and I was ashamed for him.  It was at that moment, that a young Rob decided he would do nothing to save his hair.

And before I get off the subject of head hair, who does David Letterman think he is trying to fool by having that little curly patch of "island hair" glued to the front of his head?  That's just wrong.

From head hair to face hair.  For the first time in my life I have grown a beard, or at least what I think a beard is supposed to be like. It is not a good beard.  It is light brown streaked with gray and the individual hairs making up the so-called beard seem to grow in all different directions.  In March, in a fit of pique, I shaved it all off, but immediately felt beard remorse and started growing it again, until it is where it is today, which I believe is as good as it's going to get. Which isn't that good.  I've asked Jan her opinion on my beard, but she has either changed the subject or suddenly found something that has to be done immediately in another room, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't like it.  Today, I came that close to shaving it off again, but convinced myself to keep it for one reason, and one reason only ... to freak my Mom out.  When we go out west in a couple of weeks we're going to stop off at her place for a couple of nights and she will be horrified when she sees me with a beard.  I can't wait, so I'm going to keep it until then.  After we leave, I'll probably shave it all off.

Or maybe I'll just downsize to a pornstache.


  1. What the heck is a pornstache? (I'm so naive)
    I have to say that I think bald me are sexy. You mentioned David Letterman and that made me think of Conan O'Brian. His hair drives me nuts.