June 21, 2009

Late Night Whatever

Well, here it is past midnight on a Saturday night and for a while there, I was kind of tired and thinking about turning in, but then that feeling passed and I'm wide awake again.  Your body does things like that to you sometimes, sort of like when you get up in the morning and you feel like you have to take a shit, but then you start making coffee or having your first cigarette of the day or making lunch for your wife and you get preoccupied with those tasks and you forget toilet time and then your body gets mad at you and says "Okay asshole,  you had your chance and you blew it!", so then you feel all sluggish and you can't take a shit for three days until you take 4 exlax maximum strength tablets and then all hell breaks loose.

This is kind of like that.

I was going to try to write a "Late Night Thoughts" tonight, but realized I had zero material for it because believe it or not, I actually have to make myself notes during the week to do that thing, and every time I had a thought, I never had a piece of paper or a pencil to write it down, and then I forgot it because I'm old.  So, during the last few days I thought I could just sit down here at my desk and think of some things, but I'm never any good at that, so all I ended up doing was playing solitaire instead.

Anyway, it was a busy week.  When I wasn't sitting at my desk trying to think of things but playing solitaire instead, I was getting Jan's fucking car fixed again because it keeps breaking, or painting the fucking cathedral ceiling again because it leaks, or mowing the fucking lawn again because it rains all the fucking time here, or praying that the lights didn't go out and my basement didn't flood because of all the fucking storms we have coming through here.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck ...

I was going to write a post based solely on the awesome soft-sided cooler that I bought today for our trip.  It is awesome because it has two separate compartments and I can put Jan's diabetes crap in one side and ice and cold drinks on the other side and everything stays cool.  I was even going to add a picture of this awesome cooler, but then I thought who the fuck wants to read a blog post about a travel cooler or even see a picture of it; and then I thought that this might be one of the reasons why no one reads my blog, but then I thought that there might be an entire legion of potential readers out there who have been waiting for someone to write a no-nonsense blog about travel coolers and I could call it "Travel Coolers on Ice" or some shit like that.

And speaking of my travel cooler purchase, I wonder if anyone else does this:  I went to Walmart this morning to get some groceries. Because I'm stubborn, I never make up a shopping list, so when all I really needed was a bottle of  laundry detergent and package of Splenda, I ended up with about a hundred dollars worth of groceries in the cart.  So, by the time I got to the travel cooler aisle, I was already loaded down and since the cooler cost 35 dollars, I thought that was too much and skipped it.  But, later I went back and bought only the travel cooler because spending 135 dollars at one time was too much, but if I spent a hundred dollars on groceries during one trip and 35 dollars on the travel cooler on the second trip, that was okay.  I'm going to bet that no one else thinks this way, which is just another way I can tell that I have a serious mental illness.

Okay, it's about 1:30 AM now and I guess I am getting tired.  I'm giving you the time, because Blogger will say this was posted around midnight, but that was actually when I started writing it.  Why Blogger does this is beyond me, but I guess it's just one of those mysteries in life that I was never meant to crack.

I think I'll play some solitaire before I turn in.  It's better than thinking.


  1. I hate to admit this but I can totally relate to the first paragraph. Actually, I get the Walmart thing too. First off, you should know that you never go without a list. Or go hungry for that matter. That's an invitation for trouble. Call me crazy but I get the two trips and not feeling guilty about spending the money. Another reason why I don't like Costco. It may take me five years to use that roll of foil but dishing out $20 for foil just kills me. And is it possible to ever walk out of there for less than $200???

  2. I don't make lists and I never get everything I need because when you're shopping with a toddler you have to prioritize. Children are like ticking time bombs in stores and you have to decide what to take with you, like in a fire. Curiously, cheese danishes seem to almost always make the cut.