HSR #40

Several weeks ago, I received a cute little green and gold postcard in the mail informing me that my 40th high school reunion was drawing near, and that a huge bash was being planned during whatever season in 2010 that the majority of respondents decided would be the best time to have the party.

I get these "invites" every several years, which baffles me because it seems like school reunions should only be held in years with multiples of ten.  But my high school likes to have them on offbeat years like 13, 27, 34 ... there seems to be no logical progression to it.

Normally, I'll toss these invitations in the trash on the way into the house, but I held on to this one for some reason and read the whole thing several days later.  I recognized the chair person's name because her complexion and hair style during high school reminded me of someone of the Shaker faith.  All she needed was a bonnet and a long gray dress and she would fit the image exactly.  I'm positive she wasn't a Shaker, but if she had wanted to be, she was almost all the way there without even trying.

And she had her maiden name as her middle name, so we all would know who she was, which was helpful.  I'm not sure when maiden names as middle names for women started to become commonplace, but it must have been many moons ago.  Jan did the same thing, and I can see why she did it.  She has a fine maiden middle name, but I only use it when I'm irritated and yelling at her, as in "Janis Gail, where in the goddamned hell is the mayonnaise?"

As I read through the card, I saw that they had created a web site that you could join and include a picture and a little blurb about yourself.  Kind of like a facebook info page.  I thought that this was cool, so threw my name in and added the picture and blurb.

After I was approved by the all powerful sitemaster, I started looking to find out who else had joined, and was a little disappointed to see that out of 300 graduates, I was only one of about 20 who had signed up.  Even more disappointing was the way some of the people had represented themselves.  Most people had put in a picture and a nice little one paragraph summary of their life on earth over the last 40 years, but a small number had either just put down their dumbass screen names, so you had no fucking idea who they were, or a dumbass screen name coupled with a cartoon or caricature, or both plus a stupid blurb.  I swear, one guy (I guess it was a guy) identified himself as Dicklicker 1348 with a tired caricature of Groucho and blurb describing himself as an ultra-leftist with a penchant for bondage.

Christ, some people never grow up.

As has been the case with past reunion "pledge drives", I have no intention of attending.  High School wasn't a real exciting time in my life.  I was a poor student, had no real interest in any class or instructor and  traveled in just a small circle of friends.

And I get into enough awkward situations in everyday life without planning months ahead to spend an uncomfortable evening with a group of people I have no interest in, plus drive 500 miles for the privilege.

The only possible way I would do this is if I were assured that I could learn the true identity of "Dicklicker" ... but then I'd probably be disappointed anyway.