August 11, 2009

One For The Record Book

I was mowing the grass this morning, because it was either that or clean the house.  For me, cleaning the house is a precise operation and mowing the grass is more of a slash & burn deal.  I was feeling rather imprecise, so I chose to be slashy & burny.

And because my mind wanders when I'm mowing, I started thinking about facebook for some ungodly reason.  One of my best friends invited me to join back in March, and like most people, I really got into it for a couple of days.  That is, until I realized I didn't have any friends besides her.  I searched and sent out about 10 invites to people I knew ... of.  And of those invites, I got one taker.  Figuring out that I didn't have the sparkly personality I always imagined that I had, I kind of gave up on it.  So there I sat with two "friends" for months. But I enjoy seeing what my original friend is doing, so I check in when she writes something.

A couple of nights ago, I received an e-mail from facebook saying that "so & so" had invited me to be her friend.  How exciting!  I could finally have more than two friends!  So I accepted the invitation and sent her a short note saying how nice it was to hear from her and asked her how she was doing.  Pretty lame, but standard.  This morning, I received a note back saying that she was fine and asked how I was doing.  Okay ... So now I have a choice.  I can either write back and try to capsulize 8 years of my life into three sentences, or I can say I'm fine too, and that will probably be the end of it.

I think she was just scalp-hunting anyway.  That's what I call it when someone invites someone else to friend-up, but all they really want is to just see how many friends they can amass.  And there's nothing wrong with that. From what I've read, a lot of people do this as a game, or competition.  In fact, I remember reading that somebody, maybe that hambone Ashton Kucher, was trying to see if he could get into the Guinness Book of Records by having a million friends on facebook.  I don't know if he made it or not, but I suppose it's a worthy goal.

To me, an even loftier goal would be to see how many friends you could lose on facebook.  Imagine how impressive that would be to your "friends", except you wouldn't have any to brag to because they all blocked you.  I did a little research (read "googling") on this and found that facebook itself has a site where you can employ a multitude of applications to alienate your friends.  They all sound like they are a lot of trouble though, and may not be effective in completely eliminating all of your friends.  I think I've developed a much simpler method to rid yourself of all of your facebook "friends".

Just send a message to their wall calling them a c**t.

Yes ... c**t.  That vilest of all vile words in the English language.  So vile that I cannot bring myself to spell it out, but if you want to, just add the letters "n" and "u" in the correct sequence, and there you are.  For even greater effect, add the word "whore" to the end of it.  By employing this method, I can almost guarantee you that you will have zero facebook friends left in practically no time at all.

I'd be thrilled to try for the record of most facebook friends lost ... but I think I'd need more than three friends to begin with to have a crack at it.

Another dream ... shattered.


  1. I would be honored to be your fourth friend but I'm not good at 'finding' people.
    All my friends have found me. I even have a family friend that is my mother's friend. She's taken the joy out of facebook for me. Now I have to be appropriate with my statuses or else my mother will hear about it. Maybe I'll use your method to get rid of the people I don't want.

  2. Jules, that sounds nice! I think I know who you are, so if you'd like, I'll send you an invite message. That way you can decide if you want me on your list or not. Believe me, I can take rejection :-) Oh, by the way, cucumber crush is a pretty good house color.