January 16, 2010

Jeff Foxworthy Infects The World

While flipping through the cable channels this afternoon, I came across something called "The Game Show Network".  For some reason, I didn't flip on and spent a couple of minutes watching a Jeff Foxworthy vehicle named "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader".  I remember something about this show, and apparently, it wasn't stupid enough to drift into obscurity and lives on in syndication.  Game shows seem to be the final resting place of flamed-out celebrities.  Richard Dawson, Howie Mandel, Drew Carey, that guy  who played J. Peterman on Seinfeld ... and Jeff Foxworthy.  He of the puzzlingly successful "You know you're a redneck" stand up routine. Christ I hated that shit.

But although Mr. Foxworthy has almost completed his journey into obscurity, his half-baked routine lives on in almost every society.  I present you with a sampling of You Know You're A ------ If jokes from around the planet ...
  • You know you're a Cuban if you think iodine will cure a hangover.
  • You know you're Ethiopian if your clothes smell like onions.
  • You know you're Chinese if your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
  • You know you're Russian if you don't know how to use a dishwasher.
  • You know you're French if you think yogurt is from Bulgaria.
  • You know you're Mexican if you have at least 30 cousins.
  • You know you're Egyptian if you wear more cologne than deodorant.
  • You know you're Canadian if you know Toronto is not a province.
  • You know you're Korean if there's more toilet paper in your dining room than your bathroom.
  • You know you're Argentinian if you smoke in the grocery store. 
I'll give you a few seconds to dab the tears from your eyes from laughing so hard.  Isn't it wonderful that some half-assed comedian can contribute to society in such a meaningful way?  Please join me in wishing Mr. Foxworthy a slow death continued success in his game show career.

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