January 17, 2010

No Comment

There were some great football games broadcast on Saturday, if you enjoy one-sided blowouts.  I tried to sit through the Colts/Ravens game during the evening, but it became so tedious that I actually attempted to view "Miracle At St. Anna".  However, after an hour and a half of trying to figure out what was going on, and after a quick check of the Netflix sleeve informing me that this was a THREE HOUR cinematic experience, I left the rest of Spike Lee's opus in favor of "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, featuring future game show host Guy Fieri. Seriously, NBC has tapped the Guyster to host a half-hour game show in one of the gaping holes that will be left in it's schedule once the Leno/Conan disaster has been swept up.

But I digress.  During the first part of the Saints/Cardinals game, when it looked that it might actually be interesting, I decided that I wanted to be "part of the action".  So I went online and found ESPN's live game blog, where I could contribute my two cents to those of four learned ESPN analysts who were nitpicking at the game.  I figured this would be fun as well as a means to improve my severely lacking social skills.

So, after a few minutes of catching up on the commentary, I plunged right in with my first comment, something about how it would have been better if Arizona had run a boot leg on the previous play.  And then I looked at the screen to see my canny observation pop up for the entire nation to view.


Undaunted, I typed in another comment about how well a line backer had picked up a blitz.  Still nothing.  I kept this up for the better part of the first half.  While other fans comments were jumping on the screen willy-nilly, my far superior observations were being ignored.  So, after half time, I decided to take a different tack on the game.  Soon after Kurt Warner returned after a vicious hit had knocked him out of the game right before the half, I remarked that each of his eyes were looking in different directions.  Then I pointed out that the Field Judge's shoe was untied.  I urged the ESPN analysts to comment on the skankdog in the Saint's t-shirt that had just been shown on the Fox broadcast.  I asked why Drew Brees couldn't find a better hair stylist.  I told one of the commenters who kept whining that Sean Payton needed to bench half of his team to save them for next week to quit being such a mega-pussy.

Much to my surprise, none of these well thought out, totally original comments were posted.  So in one last post, I informed the ESPN analysts that their opinions all sucked gigantic donkey dicks.

Lesser men would admit defeat, but today ... immediately following the opening kick-off in the Vikings/Cowboys game, I'll be back on that ESPN live blog with my first comment.

I have to decide between "Tony Romo is a faggott" and "Brett Farve is a douche canoe".

No comments:

Post a Comment