As is our habit on Saturdays, Jan and I did our grocery shopping early this afternoon. We went to three different grocery stores because our motto has become, "Why buy all of your groceries efficiently at one place, when you can waste most of the afternoon at three of them". Okay, one of the reasons that I like grocery stores is that I get to peruse the "entertainment" magazines at the check out lane.
This must have been a slow week for celebrity news, because none of the majors ... People, Us, OK, and others I can't name, had the same old themes from previous weeks. Tiger and Elin are trying to kill each other; Tiger is a homo; Oprah and Gayle are lesbians, hot for each others bodies; Angelina and Jen are sharpening their claws for the inevitable cage match while Brad and his butt-ugly beard anonymously haunt local bars; Kate Gosselin has a new sexy look ...
Speaking of Katie G., what the fuck is her draw anymore? There's no more show. She was bounced from that "The View" clone/rip-off thing. Why is she still cover news? I want to learn more about the "Plus Eight". These little fuckers were supposedly all upset that there weren't any cameras around anymore chronicling their every move. Where's the revelation that they are actually publicity hungry midgets? I'm mystified.
Anyway, as I was looking at all of these magazines, my eyes ran across one, with the picture of an attractive blonde holding a baby. The banner read "Kendra Has Her Baby!". The first thought that crossed my mind was "Who the fuck is Kendra?" But this was such a powerful thought that I actually said it out loud, which resulted in the woman in front of me turning around to glare at me and Jan punching me in the ribs.
Undaunted, I instructed Jan to pick up the magazine and find out who this "Kendra" was and why would she would warrant a cover shot on this magazine. The check out line moved quickly and Jan's fumbling fingers failed to find the feature article so I could learn the secret of Kendra. Actually, I think Jan's fingers fumbled on purpose because she was still pissed at me for saying "fuck" in the check out lane so she was trying to punish me.
In any event, we paid for our groceries and exited the store, and I was left hanging with the mystery of Kendra until I arrived home and could fire up the internet. Maybe I picked the wrong search engine, but no information was to be found on said Kendra. Instead, I was bombarded with everything I wanted to know about the country of Kenya. Fucking internet.
So now my Saturday is ruined and I sit here frustrated by a shitty supermarket tabloid.
Kendra, who are you?