March 26, 2010

10 Things You Didn't Know About ...

I'll bet you thought I was going to tell you 10 things you didn't know about me, didn't you?  Hah!  Fat chance.  I prefer to remain an enigma ... a riddle wrapped in a question ... a ghost.  I don't want anybody to know anything about me.  Not even my doctor.  In fact, I dread the question "Tell me a little about yourself", which is why when this comes up during a one on one situation, like a job interview, I quickly change the subject to famous vaudeville acts of the early 20th century.

However, while meandering through computerland at 2 a.m. the other morning, I did come across a highly informative bit of information titled "10 Things You Didn't Know About Clint Eastwood".  And I thought I'd share, so here goes.  Number ...
  1. Clint has directed more movies than Steven Speilberg.
  2. Clint played at Carnegie Hall.
  3. Clint used to dig pools for a living.
  4. Clint tried recording pop records.
  5. Clint was fired from Universal Studios.
  6. Clint received the French Legion d'Honneur Award.
  7. Clint drives a beater.
  8. Clint threatened to kill Michael Moore.
  9. Clint is allergic to horses.
  10. Clint is a vegan.
"Yawn".  Wow.  Way to give it up Clint.  Fortunately for you, and unfortunately for Clint-O, I know a few things about him myself that I'm sure he wouldn't want me to share with anyone.  But I'm not into that "secrets" shit, so here are my "10 Things You Didn't Know About Clint Eastwood".

  1. Clint's birth name is Fernando Noisydumper.
  2. Clint's father was killed at an early age in a mechanized clam shucker accident.
  3. Clint was the first director to authorize the use of live ammunition on the set of "Play Misty For Me".
  4. Clint's close friends refer to him as "That Whiney Old Douchebag" when not in his company.
  5. Clint has suffered from Chronic Flatulence since childhood.
  6. Clint was passed over for the lead roll in "Mrs. Doubtfire".
  7. During Clint's term as mayor, Carmel, California was recognized by Time Magazine as the "Worst Fucking City In The Solar System".
  8. Clint cleanses his anus with Tresemme Split End Formula Shampoo when bathing.
  9. Clint holds dual citizenship in Swaziland.
  10. Clint has an extensive collection of pubic hair toupees.

You would think with such extensive "insider" knowledge of the rich and famous, that TMZ would return my calls.

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