Bachelor Par-Tay

This Summer, Jan and I will have been married for 35 years.  Doesn't seem like that long, but facts are facts.  I'm not sure if it's amazing or frightening to think that I've been married for longer than I was single, but I've mostly forgotten what it was like to be by myself.  And that's probably for the best, because as much as I like to picture myself as a lone eagle, the reality is that I need her companionship.

The other night I was trying to piece together what I did the night before my wedding, and it took me a while to remember.  And even then I could only pull together a couple of things.  I know I met my best man, John, somewhere in St. Louis, and then we went to the home of his sister and brother-in-law for dinner.  From there we went to some lounge at a motel near Lambert Airport where we had a couple of beers, got bored and went back to his sister's place and watched television until we got too tired and went to bed.


I attended kiddie sleep-overs that were more exciting than that.


Sometimes I wonder if I missed out on something by not having a proper bachelor party, although I have no idea what that would entail, since I've never attended one.  I imagine it would feature lots of drinking, and if it were to skew to the depraved side, perhaps some slutty women would attend.  But maybe stuff like that is only portrayed in the movies, so I decided to visit some web sites to see how the "hipster" groom-to-be outfits his last hurrah hootenanny.


From the several sites I looked at, it appears that, besides copious amounts of booze, no bachelor party is complete without the guest of honor outfitted in a hat. There's this one:

The Bra Is A Nice Touch

This seems to be a rather sensible model.  When you're done with the party and the old ball & chain has you out doing yard work, you can always don this to keep the sun out of your eyes.  But maybe you'd like something a little more daring, to match your last-night-of-freedom mind set:

I've Seen That Girl On A Lot Of Mud Flaps

I couldn't help but notice that the young man had beads hanging around his neck.  If you've decided to partake in the hard hooch instead of beer at your party, perhaps this would be the item to wear around your neck:

A Shot Glass Necklace ... Classy!

Small gifts for your groomsmen are standard at a wedding, but what about all of those swell guys who came to your bachelor party?  Why not give them:

Boobie Pens!

Everyone gets hungry at a party, but instead of the usual chips 'n dips, delight your guests with heaping plates of:

Served With Pesto Or Red Sauce ... Delicious!

What's a party without games?  Dull indeed.  So to liven things up and get the drunken destruction of whatever hotel room you're throwing your party at into high gear, how about a spirited game of dodgeball?  But don't use just any old ball ... let loose with a:

Tit Ball!

Wow!  Just looking at all of this fun party shit makes me realize how much I really missed out on way back then. But a little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that the people that actually had these things at their bachelor parties may have been of a little different bend than me.  I'll bet if I did some checking, I'd guess that a lot of these guys were standing up in church the next day, marrying their ...

Cousins.