February 01, 2010

Bond ... Bruce Bond

I was talking to a neighbor over the weekend, and the subject of genealogy came up.  This person had spent the last several months tracing his family tree, and was excited to have reached back in his past as far as his great grandfather.  I feigned interest for a bit and then excused myself, claiming that I desperately needed to take a dump.  Tracing your family tree is one past time that I just just don't understand.  I guess the information is worth something if you want to commission a coat of arms, but otherwise it seems rather useless to me.

My cousin Judy (aka "Weirdo"), who I hadn't seen or talked to in 40 years, contacted me some time back via e-mail, wanting some information concerning the family tree she was putting together.  Turns out, she wanted to know the names of my Mom and Dad.  Now, this woman had been to our house numerous times as a teenager, and I distinctly remember mater and pater being there during those visits.  So, in my reply, I expressed my best wishes that the remainder of her acid trip was as pleasant as the first part, and to never contact me again.

My mother told me later that Judy had determined that I am part Pawnee Indian, but considering the source, it's just as likely that I am part sea otter.

In my mind, what seems way more fun than taking years to find the origins of my family, is to take an afternoon or so and make up a family tree of a fictitious character.  I can just see Ian Fleming sitting at a country club bar somewhere in Burma, getting slowly sloshed on gin and tonics while mapping out his favorite character's genealogy on a cocktail napkin.

Take a look ...

And I thought I knew my James Bond.  I know who Kissy Suzuki is, but "Shrinking" Violet Holmes?  Also, James had a brother Henry!  I wonder if they called him Hank?

On closer inspection, it appears as if this family tree wasn't put together by Ian Fleming, but by some chap named Win Scott Eckert.  This looks like some sort of literary infringement to me.  If I were Ian, I'd sue.

Except he's dead, so that probably isn't going to happen.

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