Ask Mr. Answer Guy

In the weeks since I've started this blog, I've learned that the majority of my readers consider me to be a worldly and sophisticated fellow.  So much so, that I've begun to receive letters requesting my advice on various subjects.  To date I've received more letters than I can almost count on two hands, and although time and prior commitments prevent me from answering all of your questions, I'll "give it a whirl", as they say.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

My mother-in-law hates me!  Help!

Francie in LA

Dear Francie,

Uh, I'm going to need a little more information than you provided in your letter.  Perhaps you can write me with a few more details.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

I have a 1967 Chevy Camaro with a 302 cu. ft. 6 cylinder power plant fitted with a Moon 2 cycle super-charger and a Thrush 4 watt PCV valve.  Should I set the carburetor for a rich or lean gas/air mixture and will synthetic motor oil increase or lessen the torque in the intake manifold?

Irv in Cleveland

Dear Irv,

Huh?

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

If a train leaves Sacramento at a speed of 63 miles an hour, and another train departs Albany at 77 miles an hour, which one will arrive in Peoria first?

Timmy in Tuluca

Dear Timmy,

This isn't "Homework Hotline".  Go ask your mother.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

Hi Dear, what's for dinner tonight?  Also, don't forget that I have a meeting at 3:30 this afternoon, so I'll be a little late getting home. Kisses!

Jan at School

Dear Jan,

Um, this isn't really the right place to talk to me.  Maybe you can send me an e-mail or something.  Oh, stuffed peppers.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

You SUCK!

All right, that's enough!  I didn't spend 20 minutes reading this article by the renowned expert Hope Wilbanks of Louisiana for nothing!  If you morons can't send me some thoughtful questions about your most perplexing problems so that I can give you insightful answers that will change the way you live your lives in ways that you never thought possible, and let me fulfill my dream of making "Mr. Answer Guy" a nationally syndicated column, then I'm leaving!

Good Day to you!