May 30, 2009

Late Night Thoughts


It's Saturday night, the Midnight Special is on the radio, and it's time again for Late Night Thoughts!  Brought to you this week by the good people at Wham-O!  Makers of such fun products as the Hula-Hoop, the Frisbee, and my personal favorite, the Super Ball!  Did you know we have a quiet man named Norman Stingley to thank for this magical orb?  Norm, who when not performing chemistry for Bettis Rubber Company, enjoyed compressing synthetic rubber under 3,500 pounds of pressure in his garage, and after months of experimentation trying to make this material into a super prophylactic, finally decided to put it into "ball" form and the rest is history.  Well, almost, as his balls kept falling apart, and how many of us guys haven't had that problem?  But seriously, this was a big obstacle to overcome until he approached the Wham-O people and they put some sulfur in his balls to hold them together and presto!  The Superball was born.

Now I loved these things, but they hurt like hell if you got hit by one and actually, they still did fall apart after being hurled around for a while.  What I liked even better though was my skateboard with suicide wheels.  For you "youngsters" out there, when the skate board was first invented, the wheels didn't really have any "give" in them, so if you hit any small object, like a piece of gravel on your driveway, the board would come to an abrupt stop, but you didn't and you spent the whole summer with your knees covered in oozing scabs that never healed because you were continually hitting little fucking pieces of gravel and being hurled to the concrete again and again because you were too goddamned stupid to stop because it was so much fun.  But, I'll bet if the people at Wham-O had invented the skateboard, they would have made the wheels out of the Superball rubber shit and then you maybe could have bounced over your house on your skateboard and that would have been awesome.

Oh my, there I go again.  Let's get to those Late Night Thoughts, shall we?

***
I was messing around with anagrams the other night and discovered that if you rearrange the letters in my name, you come up with "Bevel By Terror"

***
It depresses me to know that I can't buy new carpet or flooring for my house until the cat dies because of all the hair and vomit it spews all over the place.  Fucking cat.

***
I don't think I'd do very much for a Klondike bar.

***
Did you know that if you live east of the Mississippi and are a conservative, you are more likely to say "Hispanic" and that if you live west of the Mississippi and are a liberal, you probably say "Latino"? Fascinating!

***
I'm frightened to go in my attic because I'm scared of what I might find.

***
Have you ever done something and then said "I couldn't do that again in a million years" ... and then you did?

***
I wonder what it's like to work in a factory that makes dildos.  I mean, what do you tell people when they ask you what you do for a living?

***
One of these days, I'm going to learn not to drink a quart of Diet Coke before I go to bed.

***
No matter how I change the pattern, it still takes an hour to mow the lawn.

***
If Spiderman were put in a matter transmitting pod with a fly, like in that movie with Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis, what would he come out looking like?

And by the way, don't Geena Davis' big gums and little teeth weird you out?  They should.

No comments:

Post a Comment