May 13, 2009

The Burdens of Community Service

As a part of my on-going campaign to position this blog as a responsible community member, I'm proud to introduce this highly educational feature "Today in History".  It is my fervent hope that this, and other semi-regular educational type articles will instill the thirst for learning in young and old alike ... plus it will help me fill those days where I've run out of ideas for regular posts. And so, without further hyperbole, Frogs For Lunch presents Today in History!

1568  Mary Queen of Scots is defeated at the Battle of Langside and immediately flees to North England where she opens a bodega in the hamlet of Tuppanceshire.

1607  English colonists land near the mouth of the James River in Virginia, tragically missing their intended landing site, Omaha Beach on the Normandy coast, by several thousand miles and 337 years.

1779  The war of Bavarian Succession ends.  Coincidentally, the Bavarian Baby Boom of 1880-1885 begins.

1861  Britain declares its neutrality in the American Civil War, reinforcing its well deserved reputation of chickenshittery to the world.

1888  Slavery is abolished in Brazil.  Most Brazilians consider it a publicity stunt that had been "done already" over 20 years previously.

1940  Winston Churchill told the British House of Commons in his first speech as prime minister, "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat". Members are livid as Churchill's primary campaign promise had been the creation of "Bubble & Squeak Wednesdays" in the House cafeteria.

1958  Vice-President Richard Nixon's limousine is battered by rocks thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators, led by future Watergate Special Prosecutor Archibald Cox, in Caracas, Venezuela.  In retaliation Nixon fires Cox from his position in 1973.

1981  Pope John Paul the second, survives an assassination attempt by drunken Turkish tourist Mehmet Ali Agca.  Ironically, the Pope cuts himself shaving the next morning.

Today's Happy Birthdays:

Vampire Boy Robert Pattinson 23
Dead guy Ritchie Valens 68
All Around Asshole Dennis Rodman 48
Annoying Actress Beatrice Arthur 86 (Just missed by "that" much Bea)
Singer Stevie Wonder 59

By the way, did you know that Stevie Wonder (aka Stevland Morris) was born prematurely, and that a high oxygen content in his incubator was the direct cause of his blindness?  I didn't.

Today's Happy Deathdays:

Gary Cooper 60
Dan Blocker 43

And that about wraps it up.  That was bien educational, don't you think?  Be sure and share your new found Today in History knowledge with your friends, neighbors and loved ones. And remember ... Keep Learning!

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